I want to become more visual. Not in that I want to see more things, but to interpret more of the things I see, to let them rock my very core. It’s true that we live in the world of the surface— of the screens, of the glossy magazine pages, of billboards, and signs. And we all kind of just sit there taking it all in, feeling empty inside. So why do I want to join that surface? It may be misconstrued as superficial, but I want to look at the surface in a different way, back to its origins where people expressed themselves by the way they dressed or dyed their hair or whatever.
I want to start paying attention to how I look. Not in an approving sort of way. But in the way I want to. I want to look like my thoughts, my dreams, my inspirations, etc. I don’t know if maybe I say this is because I go to a school in which many people look nice and look alike, but the surface that they are all presenting may have triggered a thought in me (along with this class that I took). It may have something to do with resistance and how in a world where everything’s a copy of a copy, to resist something is something of value. I think one of the ways I’ve been so attracted to the idea of changing “my surface” is not so much the appearance or being trendy, but the act of resistance, of wearing what I want regardless of the rules. I want to fit into a piece of clothing and feel right in it instead of just settling. I mean, we don’t walk around being naked day to day, so you might as well push the practicalities of clothing and present yourself making a statement, whatever that is.
But I understand that this can morph itself into a consumerist monster, that I may just focus on the things. I’ve never been one to get attached to physical objects, but it sounds strange…I think I may want to. In an identifiable way. Does this mean I should start buying more things? I don’t think so. I think I should start buying more things that will last me a long time, pieces that I really love. It sounds silly that I am trying to forge a relationship with a “thing” especially since I was exposed to a lot of Marx’s ideas, but it’s true…there’s a little gleefulness in wearing something that makes us feel good about ourselves. I think this is what the surface should be used for, but not to a point where it’s overloaded and things become our source of happiness. I want to be comfortable in my image in a way that makes it clear who I am…or maybe makes it unclear as to who I am. I want my image to provoke a thought. And at other times, I just want to learn how to better present myself visually. I want to have the guts to wear my Converse shoes with that my long, black skirt and rock it. I want to wear red lipstick because I think it can make you powerful. I want to paint my nails white because it’s odd and eye-catching….and I saw Sturtevant do it, so I want to try it. So yeah, there is still a “copy of a copy” thing going one, but I guess what I’m really trying to say is that I want to have free reign over my appearance. I want to use visual imagery to stimulate thoughts within me (and maybe others if it has that effect) instead of just mindlessly consuming what we see. I want to decorate the walls of my room, even though I said this last year and failed at doing so; maybe if I don’t decorate it again, I’m just not meant to be the artsy person I want to be. Or maybe surrounding myself with art is something I need to be doing. That’s how I felt after this class. Because there are some things in art that are not easily presentable in real life, not easily recognized or mentioned. Right now, I’m really stimulated by the idea that there is no just “real” and the “not real”, but a space in between called surrealism where anything can happen. This is how I want to feel when I surround myself in visuals and this is how I want to interpret them…and I think that’s my ultimate endeavor here. I want the images to evoke something in me, which is why I think I’ve been obsessing over shopping lists lately, room decorating tips, etc. I want to be the emancipated spectator.